A miscarriage and then another. The hope, the waiting, the unknown, the worries. Things felt differently than my first pregnancy, like I had a lot of the symptoms with a blanket over them. So they were there yet muted.
Turns out as I learned at my 9 weeks appointment, I had a pseudo-pregnancy, where I had an egg sac yet nothing had formed in it. They said the body would figure it out on it own and so I waited for two more weeks. I elected to not get a DNC and just let it pass naturally.
And the blood- oh man it was so much blood. I thought I was dying.
My #HIO had reached an all time high. I went on as usual because I didn’t know what I know now. My poor body was working so hard with what it had, yet it did not have what it really needed. It could not sustain another life when I was barely holding my own head above water.
Yet no one asked me about that. Not one person asked me, what I was doing each day, how I was feeling, What was I eating, was I sleeping, was I stressed?
I remember wondering why no one talks more about miscarriages, I wondered and hoped that maybe the ultrasound was wrong. I remember hoping that this whole thing would just go away.
So we waited a cycle as we were told and got pregnant again on the next one. This one ended in a miscarriage too.
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